Have you ever seen that show: “PetKeeping with Marc Morrone”? I used to watch it all the time. I can’t do it justice in describing it here but basically it’s a guy and a lot of pets and a bunch of advice about animals. Anyway, there’s this one episode where he basically spends the entire show teaching his viewers how to wash a Persian kitten. Yes, you read that right. Apparently, washing Persian kittens is a three bucket process. He suggests you not get their heads wet. He has many other equally helpful suggestions, but to sum up, you gotta see it to believe it.

So, I’m just sayin’, Marc Morrone, with his turtle neck and button down and wire-frame glasses, talking about the best way to wash your Persian kitten, is what’s going through my head Saturday afternoon when Nate says to me: “Hey, let’s give Briana a bath.” Granted, we’d been talking about giving her a bath for several days. She was so dirty that if you ran your hand across her back, you palm would be black. Seriously. She was dirty and itchy and she definitely needed a bath. But I’ve never given a horse a bath before, so I kept finding other things to do. Barn chores. Take down fences. Help put up new fences. Pull weeds. Dust the fire extinguishers. Remove cobwebs from the back of doors we never open. Wash the cat. Whatever. All these incredibly high priority, mission critical, essential, gotta be done this minute tasks kept popping up out of nowhere, keeping me from giving Bri a bath. Until Saturday.

Now realize, I have three dogs. When they are dirty enough, I stick them in the sink and wash them. No special procedure. No mystery involved. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. I didn’t have to read a book to devise that scheme. I didn’t even have to catch an episode of PetKeeping. So with the horses, which are basically larger hairier versions of dogs (right?), you’d think I’d be able to manage the whole bath thing. But you know how when you are trying to do something you’ve never done, with someone who already knows how to do that thing and in fact has done it a million times, then you just do what they tell you to do rather than thinking it through for yourself? Well, that’s the strategy I adopted washing Bri with Nate. I so thoroughly abandoned common reasoning skills that at one point I said to Nate: “So, do we put soap ALL over the horse?” I’m not proud of that moment. Of course Nate, who used to think that I had at least two functioning brain cells to call upon in an emergency, gives me a priceless stare which says, quite clearly: “Uh…did you just ask whether to put soap all over the horse?” But what comes out of his mouth is: “Well, when you take a bath, do you put soap all over you?” In my own defense – a phrase I have to use frightfully often on our blog page – I am neither exceptionally large, nor covered in hair. So my own experience didn’t seem particularly relevant at the moment, thank you very much. Somehow, despite the brain cell issue, I was able to suss out his meaning and put soap all over the horse.

Unlike me, Princess Fluffy Feet has no issues with taking a bath. Oh you can be sure she remained on high alert throughout the procedure. She didn’t just check out and go to her happy place. But neither did she pace around, or try taking anything off the walls, or chew on Nate or me. She stood in the cross ties like washing an entire horse was a regular everyday happening. She didn’t wriggle around non-stop, or try to crawl out of the wash rack, or drop her ears pathetically low and look at us like we were punishing her for crimes against humanity. So no, not larger hairier versions of dogs at all.

And now that I’ve assisted in horse bathing, bring out the buckets and the Persian kittens. I’m unstoppable.